


172 seconds

by theothershoe (lidercke)



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Episode: s02e03 The Reichenbach Fall, M/M, POV First Person, immediately! Pre Reichenbach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-07
Updated: 2013-04-07
Packaged: 2017-12-07 18:58:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/751908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lidercke/pseuds/theothershoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>172 seconds in Sherlock's head.</p><p>"John: '<i> Sherlock, are you okay?</i>'"</p>
            </blockquote>





	172 seconds

_and in my dream I fell through London fell through the street the ground the pavement nothing to stop me to stop this the fall it’s like flying but no destination no collision I fell through the city John we can’t **turn around and walk back the way you came** because I need you to watch me I need your eyes my death certificate it makes my life **stop** down **there** on the street the ground the pavement without your betrayed eyes I would fall through the surface out of life it’s like an airtight space numbness in hands the drug is faster than expected I won’t be dead except I will it must be like this you are too clever you would notice but **just do as I ask please** in my dream I fell and fell out of the streets of London out of the sphere your eyes can reach but now you can still see me watch me disappear John **okay look up I'm on the rooftop** we must do this fast don’t have time the drug is too fast my heart rate is too elevated busily spreading the chemicals into my system **I— I— I can't come down so we'll just have to do it like this** jumping off a rooftop with insensible limbs is not something I intend to try I wish we had more time we would have had more time it will be awfully long like a prolonged engagement everything is suspended in the middle like it was a shadow a presentiment of an emotion **an apology it's all true** we will have time to make it true **everything they said about me I invented Moriarty** I had to invent this will you understand John will you blurry vision I’m drugged I’m afraid **I'm a fake** it’s just cheating death I’m playing the game we played Cluedo you got angry I got my heart broken everybody could see except you John **the newspapers were right all along** and how it was funny you never noticing it I’m not gay you said will you notice when you’ll think I’m dead will you tell it to your therapist **I want you to tell Lestrade, I want you to tell Mrs. Hudson and Molly in fact tell anyone who will listen to you** write it on the walls all over London in yellow paint everywhere I can see so I don’t believe my own death my own lies **that I created Moriarty for my own purposes** but you must believe that’s the point isn’t it I wish you knew you’d figure it out you won’t I make it perfect nobody can outsmart me **nobody could be that clever** not even Jim Moriarty he is dead John you are safe the drug circling in my blood safety I’ll have no pulse clinically I’ll be dead dead is safe alone is what I’ll have we were alone and will be but now it’s worse than before I met you because I know you walk these streets I’m falling off I didn’t know I want you so much **I researched you** all my life without realising you are there you can exist how can you how could I not figure it out figure you out **before we met I discovered everything that I could to impress you** everything pointed at you the first time we met yes John about forty seconds now and I can’t make out your face your shape the shape of London at my feet it’s like flying he said he knew nothing about flying **it's a trick** I’d like to tell you **it’s just a magic trick** John don’t need to mourn me for I’m not dead except that I am in thirty seconds the game is elaborate its precision can be measured in heartbeats I’m sorry John I should have kept you away I’ve made you into a figure on our board I should have kept you away **no stay exactly where you are don't move** I couldn’t say that couldn’t do that I need you to watch me because otherwise all this doesn’t make sense that’s the frailty of genius John it needs audience you are my audience the only one you must know this so **keep your eyes fixed on me please will you do this for me** we must finish now but I’d like to have it forever **this phone call** I’m sorry the game needs to be ended all hearts are broken he said I hate when he’s right you don’t think I have a heart do you but I have and it’s about to stop Molly is clever she is clever I always knew that she makes it perfect for me it’s the most genial trick I’ve ever pulled flawless **it's my note** my testament I wish it could be something else we’ve never said but I’m selfish John I hurt you we don’t say it never said we hurt each other **that's what people do don't they** when they are emotionally involved I would like to fix it make a happy ending **leave a note** to let you know I’m not dead not really it’s just a magic trick I’m doing for you to stop the pain stop a heart all hearts are broken mine is arriving to a suspense it can’t be stopped too late **goodbye John** I'm not falling just suspending myself us here forever on this rooftop nailed to your gaze my frailty my only weakness will you wait for me will you John John_

 

**Author's Note:**

> "John: Sherlock, are you okay?  
> Sherlock: Turn around and walk back the way you came.  
> John: No, I'm coming in.  
> Sherlock: Just. Do as I ask. Please.  
> John: Where?  
> Sherlock: Stop there.  
> John: Sherlock.  
> Sherlock: Okay, look up. I'm on the rooftop.  
> John: Oh god.  
> Sherlock: I— I— I can't come down so we'll just have to do it like this.  
> John: What's going on?  
> Sherlock: An apology. It's all true.  
> John: What?  
> Sherlock: Everything they said about me. I invented Moriarty.  
> John: Why are you saying this?  
> Sherlock: I'm a fake.  
> John: Sherlock—  
> Sherlock: The newspapers were right all along. I want you to tell Lestrade, I want you to tell Mrs. Hudson and Molly. In fact, tell anyone who will listen to you. That I created Moriarty for my own purposes.  
> John: Okay, shut up, Sherlock. Shut up. The first time we met—the first time we met—you knew all about my sister, right?  
> Sherlock: Nobody could be that clever.  
> John: You could.  
> Sherlock: I researched you. Before we met I discovered everything that I could to impress you. It's a trick. Its just a magic trick.  
> John: No. Alright, stop it now.  
> Sherlock: No, stay exactly where you are. Don't move.  
> John: Alright.  
> Sherlock: Keep your eyes fixed on me. Please, will you do this for me?  
> John: Do what?  
> Sherlock: This phone call, it's... it's my note. That's what people do, don't they? Leave a note.  
> John: Leave a note when?  
> Sherlock: Goodbye, John.  
> John: No. Don't—"


End file.
